Finding the One: Understanding the Surrogacy Matching Process
While the path to parenthood through surrogacy is an incredible journey, some steps can be more stressful than others. One aspect of surrogacy that many intended parents find overwhelming is the surrogate matching process. Unlike other forms of third-party reproduction, such as anonymous egg donation, your relationship with your surrogate will likely be far more personal. It’s natural to want to match with someone who you really connect with.
How the Surrogacy Matching Process Works
Once you’ve identified the agency that you have chosen to work with, the surrogacy matching process typically begins with a consultation with the Director at the agency. During this consult, you will review the matching process and what to expect. You may be asked a series of questions to get an idea of what you’re looking for in a surrogate, and what is important to you during pregnancy, in a relationship, what values you find important in a surrogate family, and many other topics will be considered.
Based on this information, the agency identifies a surrogate candidate or candidates who they think will be a good match for you, and you for them. You will receive a profile of the potential surrogate(s) for review. If you approve, the Director sends the potential surrogate your own profile. If both parties feel satisfied and want to move forward, the surrogacy agency arranges for an initial meeting. Your fertility doctor will review the medical records of the candidate as well, providing approval prior to your initial meeting with your surrogate.
However, this is sometimes easier said than done.
The Emotional Aspect of Matching with a Surrogate
When you’re first looking at surrogate profiles, it can be difficult to tell who will be the ideal match for you and your family-building dreams. A profile provides a lot of information, but doesn’t always fill in all the blanks. You may find yourself bombarded by what-ifs and maybes, wondering if there’s an even better match out there somewhere.
The act of one person carrying a child for another is a profound experience for everyone involved. It’s understandable that you’d feel strongly about finding the “perfect” person for that role. However, striving for perfection can cause undue stress and anxiety, especially when the end goal is so important.
Establishing Surrogate Criteria
One thing that can help this part of the process is determining what surrogate characteristics are non-negotiable for you.
For example, one factor that is typically non-negotiable to most intended parents is the surrogate’s views on sensitive issues related to the pregnancy, such as selective reduction or pregnancy termination. You want to be on the same page with your surrogate here so that, if these situations ever arise, you will be able to make a decision without conflict.
Another non-negotiable might be your communication expectations, including the means, time, and frequency of correspondence between you and your surrogate. Ideally, you want to match with someone who has similar ideas about what the parent-surrogate relationship will look like. This should also include your expectations for your involvement in the baby’s birth, as well as your post-birth relationship with the surrogate.
Boutique Surrogacy Matching
Compatibility between intended parents and surrogates is of utmost importance. Harmony between the two parties facilitates a fulfilling, rewarding surrogacy experience for everyone involved. Working with a boutique surrogacy agency, such as West Coast Surrogacy, can be immensely helpful in finding an ideal surrogate for your needs and situation.
At West Coast Surrogacy, we take great care during the initial intake process to understand exactly what you’re looking for in a surrogate. With your desires and priorities in mind, we work hard to find and hand-select the right match. For more information on the surrogacy matching process, contact West Coast Surrogacy today and see what sets us apart.