Why I became a Gestational Surrogate: Amy C’s Story
Deciding to become a gestational surrogate is a big decision, and what motivates a woman to make this commitment is very personal and unique. Here is Amy C.’s story:
My motivation to become a surrogate came from watching my family and friends struggle with infertility. As a young adult, I had no awareness of the challenges many couples face when trying to conceive. I thought that that when you wanted to start a family, you just did it. A few years later I became familiar with the complications, fear, and heartache related to creating a family. I saw how it affected those that I cared about and how it affected my life too.
My husband, Cody, and I were fortunate to conceive naturally three times. We also experienced a loss of our own. We miscarried our first pregnancy at eight weeks. The loss was unexpected and I didn’t know what it meant for our future. It was uncomfortable to talk about, and for a while I felt like I had done something wrong. At the time, we didn’t realize how common it was to lose a pregnancy in the first trimester. As friends had similar experiences, we encouraged as much conversation as possible and as much as they were comfortable with. We hugged, we listened and shared what we had learned about miscarriages and the struggle to conceive.
Two years after our miscarriage, we delivered the first of two healthy boys (the second came 22 months later). I was and am still grateful that my pregnancies were comfortable and as stress-free as possible. I would never say labor and delivery is easy, but mine were free of any serious complications. I look back on the whole experience with reverence. Bringing a human being into the world, no matter the means, cannot be described as anything less than pure magic. Part of the admiration I have, comes from the compassion shared with me and my family by our doctors, midwives, nurses and support partners. The stress, sadness, pain, and incomprehensible happiness that they both curate and empathize with on a day to day basis is impressive.
After the birth of my second child, I was so moved by those individuals that I wanted to be a part of that team. I thought maybe I’ll become a nurse, a midwife, a doula. I wanted to be there to show every woman the same kindness and care that was bestowed upon me. But, going back to school and changing my career as a new mom of two little boys was not the most practical choice. In this moment, I may have stuck to the path most travelled, but I had uncovered a desire that needed to be fulfilled.
When our youngest was one, Cody and I started talking about having another baby of our own. We had always said we wanted two children and we did feel very complete as a family of four. Knowing the difficulties so many face on their journey to become a mom or dad I thought, am I wasting this ability to grow and deliver a tiny human by just being “done”? Suddenly, surrogacy felt so right. We had talked about it before, but now it meant we would actually have the opportunity to be a part of the team making miracles happen.
We could not imagine our world without our boys. We believe every loving person, couple, or family should have the opportunity to receive the gift of a child. The joys, challenges, and love that come with the best roles in the world, mom or dad, should be shared. And so, I wrote a letter. I introduced myself, my husband, my family, my life, and shared my desire to grow a miracle.